Forwarded Thoughts

I was "cleaning" my e-mail when I stumbled upon this message forwarded by my friend Monse. I thought the message would be worth sharing.

The original message was in paragraph form, but I decided to enumerate the thoughts contained in the message to make it a good read.

May we all be inspired by the following thoughts.... ^_^

1. LOVE starts with a SMILE , grows with a KISS , and ends with a TEAR.
2. DON'T cry over anyone who won't cry over you.
3. Good FRIENDS are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.
4. You can only go as far as you push.
5. ACTIONS speak louder than words.
6. The HARDEST thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.
7. DON'T let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.
8. LIFE'S SHORT. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.
9. A BEST FRIEND is like a four leaf clover, HARD TO FIND and LUCKY TO HAVE.
10. Some people make the world SPECIAL just by being in it.
11. BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us. When it HURTS to look back, and you're SCARED to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.
12. TRUE FRIENDSHIP "NEVER" ENDS. Friends are FOREVER.
13. Good friends are like STARS You don't always see them, but you know they are ALWAYS THERE. DON'T frown.
14. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.
15. What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry? Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them. Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
16. Most people walk in and out of your life, but only FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart.

(Re)Classified Odd: Another Letdown?

It was quite a letdown all over again...

...and I was not alone this time.

I remember quite well THAT professor who gave me the "letdown". He advocated CRITICAL THINKING, but he didn't think twice in denying me the chance to apply for reclassification last summer for the lame reason of me having a non-PhD-able graduate course. (Read my blog on the Lecturer Letdown for some backgrounder).

Now, a sem has passed, and I applied again, this time with another lecturer who was incidentally a MS Applied Math major like me. Her advantage, though, was that she was already prepared to start her master's thesis. My predicament was my LOA for this sem but I applied nonetheless, ready to answer any query that will result in my academic status.

After submitting my grades online, I immediately composed a lengthy appication letter addressed to our chairman, then went to the Admin office to submit it with my TCG. Ate Guey then scheduled me for an interview on the 27th at 4:30 pm. That day was also the demo-interview of new applicants. My co-lecturer was scheduled also on that daw, after my interview schedule.

Days passed before the interview...I really prepared myself to the extent of thinking all possible questions that would be thrown at me, planning the nicest approach and the sweetest smile to the panel (even if that prof would really give me shivers of anger and fear if he would be present), even asking my students to wish me luck to alleviate my nervousness. My teacher-friend who was reclassified this semester even gave me some tips during one of our YM chat sessions.

Then a shock came to both of us on the day of the supposed interview.

The day of the interview came. Well-wishers still filled my cell phone with encouraging messages (I had no prepaid load then so I couldn't reply to them). My room mates at Room 106 reduced my nervousness by cracking jokes and other silly stuff about my application and other things. I had frequent visits to the john due to nerbiyos. I was really a bit uneasy but at least there were my colleagues to lighten me up. I even remember Ate Guey reminding me to go upstairs by my scheduled time and wished me luck.

A few minutes before 4:30 I prepared to do the decisive climbing of the stairs leading to the second floor, and the crucial walk toward the conference room where the interview was supposed to take place. When I went out of the room to go upstairs with two coteachers, I saw tmy other co-teachers going down already from the second floor. Was the interview supposed to go on till 6 pm, I asked. Did the committee forgot that there two souls waiting anxiously to be grilled?

Then the shocker came from a co-teacher who went to our room.

For some reason or another the committee tasked to screen teaching applicants decided not to interview us on that day. That co-teacher just told us that after a moment of deliberation the committee decided to disperse the crowd and scrutinize first our SET's (Student Evaluation of Teacher) and other feedbacks. They will notify us later for the next scheduled interview. A text message from the chairman confirmed the decision.

After learning that decision I just sat down my corner in the office full of disbelief... I didn't know what to react....So many things filled my mind then. What the heck happened there? Why such a sudden change of mind? Was there an underlying motive for such move? Should I feel paranoia? Will that chance really come? Sheesh...

A pinch of optimism still remained after that, though.... Who knows, that interview might come true just as our chairman has said. Although I no longer had the same anxiousness and enthusiasm as before, I would wait again...

But the wait might be in vain. Days passed since then. The enrolment will end soon... No sign of anything....

And they already hired three new teachers....

So, what does it mean for us?

Now, my feeling of disbelief is as strong as ever.... I feel a sense of distrust and helplessness....

But there's nothing we can do....

Well, I guess I have to accept it.

...and move on.

All Saints' Day Musings

It was really a solemn and quiet day today...

For some reason I didn't go home to join my household in the observance of All Saints' Day. Well this was the third straight year that I did that. I really don't feel like going home, I guess....

I missed the time, though, when I was home during the sem break, when I was tasked to go to the public cemetery on November 1 or 2 to light and guard (yup, guard...) the candles for my departed lolos and lolas. Even though I really wanted to die then with the inhabitants of the place because of soooo much boredom, I just busied myself making miniature figurines from the melted candles, like "snowmen" (or...candle wax men?) or elves. I even had two of them in my room, with one of them almost melted and deformed due to exposure to sunlight.

So much for the reminiscing....

And for some reason I couldn't sleep from 2 to 6 am... I caught up with sleepiness by 6:15, but needed to wake up by past 10 am to catch my 12 nn mass service. I just went to a computer shop and played my favorite Command and Conquer: Generals Zero Hour to "command and conquer " my boredom and sleepiness, then went home to snooze a bit.

After the mass, while waiting for a jeepney bound for Philcoa, I really felt the emptiness and quietness of the place. A few people were walking around, the Coop and almost all SC stalls (except Rodic's) were closed, and vehicles passing by were so few you can actually dance, do some cartwheel, and even lie down on the street for quite a while. It was really, really serene...the exact opposite of the chaos and commotion in the cemeteries today.

Oh well, it was really one of those days of the year when you enjoy peace and quiet...^_^.

Removals, Billiards, and Lumpia

Some snippets of what I had experienced today....

Removal Rip Off

A supposed day in a seminar turned out to be different.

Because a co-teacher can't make it in proctoring in the removal exam this afternoon, she chose me to take her place.

It was my first time to proctor a removal exam... and Math 54 pa. I was a bit uneasy at first but things went on smoothly. I got to know the requisites for taking such exam and how to handle the proctoring job.

Being a bit bored from looking at the examinees and reading Sherlock Holmes, I roamed around to chat with co-teachers and peep at the rooms of my students who took the removals. I gave them either a smile, a thumbs up, or a whisper of "kaya mo 'yan!". What really made me smile, though, was when Prof. Ocampo went inside the Math 53 exam room, approached her student and gave her a rub of encouragement. Wow...such a touching sight. ^_^

Free Food!

After the removal exam, we had a share of some free pizza and spaghetti from co-teachers who celebrated their birthdays: Marc and Rose. Happy birthday sa inyo and thanks for the free food! It was a free lunch for me wehehehe.....^_^

Billiards Boo-boo

After meeting with a tutee after the removals, I decided to join a few colleagues in playing billiards at the AMF Puyat Center in Ever Gotesco Commonwealth. It was a treat from my friend Chris who (finally) got his much-awaited salary as a new instructor. Aside from Chris and I, Laarni, Romar, Marc, and Gerard joined the fray to play 8-ball billiards.

It was really my first time in playing billiards (well, it was my first time going to a billiards playing zone), and it really showed while we played! I either miss hitting the ball or even making the white ball jump! I really would want to melt, especially when I bungle a supposedly easy shot, but I survived such embarrassing experience because of the laughters and jokes that all of us threw to each other while playing. We really had fun and had much laughs about how we play (especially during my turn, hehehe....)

Chillin' at Chowking

After hitting balls on the the billiards table, we went to Chowking to hit the tables for dinner. It was my first time in years(!) to eat at Chowking Ever Commonwealth. If I'm not mistaked, I ate there when I was a still a tutor for this tutorial company whose office is near that mall).

We had fun eating and talking and watching Laarni eating her Lauriat in a snail's pace.... I also got to eat my favorite lumpiang shanghai meal, but got a bit disappointed with the fried rice...at any rate, it was still a good meal, with some good laughs in between....

Well, to sum things up: I really enjoyed my day today ^_^.

Earthquake!

It was really an earth-shaking experience....

At about 10:36 pm last night (or so the PHIVOLCS Bulletin said on its website), parts of Luzon got its share of tremors from the subducting Manila Trench (wow, panalo ang term). The epicenter of the said earthquake was about 7 km, 61 degrees west of south of Tagaytay City. The magnitude of the earthquake was about 6.4, but the highest intensity recorded by PHIVOLCS was intensity 5. Here at QC, according to the bulletin, it was intensity 3.

At that time I'm inside my favorite computer shop surfing the net. I was treating myself since I finished checking those Math 17 fifth exam bluebooks. Suddenly, at around 10:30, I began to feel dizzy. No, it was not of too much playing of Zero Hour....I just felt the shaking. At first, I just thought that those kids playing Ragnarok were the ones shaking the computer table because of excitement. A few seconds later, it just sinked in to my mind, after looking at the only guy near me at one side of the shop, that we were experiencing an earthquake. It was really an earthquake! Whoa.

After the quake I hurriedly turned on my headphone radio to listen to reports. Yup, it was affirmative: we had experienced an earthquake.

The tremblor was still the talk of the town, even in the department, until this morning. But what really struck my mind as I hear them talking about it was this: we should always expect the unexpected. Yup, we may never know when another quake will strike the place, and how strong it will be. It's also the same in our life: we may never know what will come our way. We might be caught off guard, just like many of us who were caught by surprise by that quake that night.

Bottom line: we should be prepared...always. ^_^

P.S. The quake brought back the memories of July 16, 1994. I was in Grade 6 then when all of us in the classroom felt the tremblor at about 3 pm. It was really unforgettable especially for those who were hardest hit by that quake. Scary, huh....

Rainy Days and Wednesdays

"... let the rain fall down and wake my dreams" -- Come Clean, Hillary Duff

Rain is pouring very hard outside....

As far as I remember, the heavy rain started at around 2 in the morning. I was still half-asleep then, thinking of what word problem will I give in my exam that was supposed to be given this afternoon. I just brushed it aside ang just went on my slumber.

But lo and behold! The rain was STILL pouring very hard when I woke up at around 6:30 am. I just saw my cell phone vibrating wildly because of a phone call from a student (namatay lang kasi nag-empty batt na 'yung phone ko), and I found myself reaching for my headphone radio. According to the reports, it was really that worse outside.

Well, I had no choice but to run to my favorite computer shop (no, not that "Tech" thing anymore...pindot-pindot na hehehe...) not really to "enjoy" the rainy day but to notify my students via "Chikka" that their exam today is postponed. Well, I'll also enjoy myself here as long as I can hold on to my bladder he-he-he...^_^

Hmmm...come to think of it, this is also a blessing in disguise for me. I could start checking those long overdue midterms bluebooks in my Math 17 and 53 classes (100++ bluebooks in all), and finish typesetting my share of the manuscript of the new Math 17 textbook. Well, and have some time to snooze in the office maybe....

With those things under way, I can still enjoy my day today amidst the cruel weather outside...

Oh, well, so much for the word problem....and so much for the exam....

...and the rains ^_^

The Name Acronym Generator

I chanced upon this thingy from Adrian's blog. Well, I gave it a try. Here's the result:

G	Glorious
I	Influential
L	Luscious
B	Busy
E	Edgy
R	Radiant
T	Tough

Hmmmm....that's nice. How about my nickname? Here goes:

G	Glamorous
I	Industrious
B	Bold
E	Enjoyable
Y	Yucky

WHAT?! YUCKY?! Well, I prefer the other acronym, thank you...

Well, want to try it yourself? Here:

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

Room 106

I never expected that a faculty room can be a nice and happy place to stay...

After a year of teaching at the department, I've realized that staying in my faculty room for the past academic year really made my year both as a teacher and a human being.

In our faculty room, a regular school day never passes without my stomache almost aching after having a large dose of laughs, jokes, and antics courtesy of my room mates. They literally clown around, making those punch lines and gestures that make everyone roll into laughter.

You can even learn tons of info about music, trivia, and even jologs stuff, all in a day. Throw in some reminiscenses of the good 'ol days of our lives: the 80's, elementary and high school days, even undergrad escapades. Maalaala mo kaya ang drama, 'di ba?

Another thing worth mentioning is the occasional kainan spree, usually pizza or pancit sa bilao, and the photo-ops that accompany those gatherings. Poses galore!

Speaking of photo-ops, did I say that we have picture-taking sessions even on regular days? Ilalabas nila ang mga digital cameras nila 'pag trip lang nilang mag-kodakan.....

Do the inhabitants of room, if you ask, ever get serious? Well, yes....We have some time discussing school stuff, especially concerning the subjects we teach and the lessons we study in our masters. We compare and share notes, verify facts, critic each others' exams, even pose questions and problems about some things that stump us, like the question on whether or not -8 raised to the 2/3 power is the same as -8 raised to the 4/6 power. We even share some personal stuff and some advice and encouragement once in a while.... Bottom line? We are still serious in our jobs and our lives, you know....

For the past academic year, I realized that I'm lucky to have room mates and colleagues like I have now in our faculty room. Those people have added color to my somewhat fruitful first year of teaching in the department. I've gained a lot from them: happiness, support, guidance, even friendship. I'm thankful to have those people around me....

I remember my former colleague saying this to me before: "pinakamasaya ang faculty room namin" in the whole department....

I couldn't agree more.... ^_^.

P.S.: One thing I'll remember about my room mates was when they supported me and gave me advice during those depression episodes and other concerns, especially the "lecturer letdown" thing. Thanks to you guys! ^_^

Reason to Live...Chii ^.^

I just discovered this ending theme of Chobits when I was working on some things at Dizon Tech this afternoon. It has a nice tune, mind you....I even downloaded it along with its karaoke version. Here are the lyrics along with the English translation, courtesy of www.animelyrics.com:

Raison D'etre (Reason to Live)
Artist: Rie Tanaka
Ending Theme From Chobits


Romaji Lyrics:

Minaretamachi sarigenaku arukeba
Tashika ni konome niwa utsuru
Mugure ninatte susumu hitonami ni
Umorete obieteru kokoro

Raison d'etre sonna fuu ni
Raison d'etre onajiyouni
waratte shizunde nagarerunowa naze
kagi wo sagashiterunda zutto sgashiterunda
dokomade mienai? sono door no kagi wo

Kotobayorimo daijina nanika ni
Kizukenai toki wa sugiteyuku
Aizu wo machi oshierarerumama
Sashishimesu bekutoru(vectol)ni mukau

Raison d'etre kyoumo sekai de
Raison d'etre shinjirerunowa
Kasukana hikari to kegarenaki shin no ai
Imi wo sagashiterunda zutto sagashiterunda
Dokomade kienai? sono ikiru imi wo

Hiroku fukai meiro ni mayoitsuzuketerunara
Kumotta Lens wo kagayakasetaraii

Raison d'etre Sonna fuu ni
Raison d'etre Onajiyouni
Waratte shizunde nagarerunowa naze
Kagi wo sagashiterunda zutto sagashiterunda
Dokomade mienai? sono door no kagi wo


English Translation:

The town where everyone sleeps,
If I walk with nothing on my mind,
I can see it
Buried under the advancing crowd,
Is my trembling heart

Raison d'etre, in that way
Raison d'etre, in the same way
Smile, fall silent
Why do my emotions sway?
I'm looking for a key
I've always been looking
I can't see it anywhere
Where is key to that door...

What's more important then words?
The time keeps passing and you can't realize it
Waiting for a sign to be taught like this
Facing the vector that was pointed out

Raison d'etre, in today's world too
Raison d'etre, I believe it
A faint light shining on a real love
I'm looking for a reason
I've always been looking
Where could it have dissappeared?
Where is that reason to live...

I hesitate to continue in this deep labyrinth
The cloady lenses could brighten

Raison d'etre, in that way
Raison d'etre, in the same way
Smile, fall silent
Why do my emotions sway?
I'm looking for a key
I've always been looking
I can't see it anywhere

*Sigh*

"Baka po it's time to move on...."

I guess I have to.

I think I must...

Even if it's really painful...even if there's no resolution in sight...even if it will really hurt me that much...

They're right. They don't want to give me false hope. They even feel guilty of helping me because they think they're traitors to their friend.

They can speak of it because they know their friend very well.

And I don't....

If only I have that courage to face this...if only I'm brave enough to accept this....If only I can... If only I can just face her, tell her everything...EVERYTHING...

But I can't... I CAN'T...I don't want to put everyone in trouble...I don't want her to be in trouble...

...and I don't want to earn her ire...I don't want her to despise me...I don't want to be unforgiven...

Sigh...

I feel like a fool, making myself succumb to this...

I feel weak, vulnerable...

Of all people, why her? WHY? WHY?

It's time to move on....

Sibuyas Boy

Let's have some comic relief...Presenting: SIBUYAS BOY! =(^_^)=





ö Mga Nagbabagang Katanungan:

1. Pinaglihi ba sa sibuyas si Sibuyas Boy?


2. Bakit kumakapal ang hair n'ya?


3. Nagpa-rebond ba si Krakra?


4. Bakit palapit nang palapit si Krakra kay Sibuyas Boy?


5. Si Sibuyas Boy ba ang gumagawa ng kanyang mga stunts?


6. Gaano kalupit ang sapak ni Krakra?


7. M.U. ba sila??


8. Ba't dila nang dila si Sibuyas Boy?


9. Suplada ba talaga si Krakra?


10. Ano 'yung weird writing sa baba????


11. Sino si Iiko???????

Abangan ang mga kasagutan sa pagbabalik ng mga pakikipagsapalaran ni....(dyan-dyaraannnn....) SIBUYAS BOY!!!!! (palakpakan naman d'yan!!! Yehey!!!!)

...And I Can't Get you Out of My Dreams...

...And now I curse you for being so sweet and so kind..... Ngr.

Tattooed On My Mind
D'Sound


Baby you'll soon forget about all,
or maybe you'll miss it like I do.
One thing’s for sure I’m on a doubt,
spend too much time thinkin’ of you


Chorus
And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now I know that you're the dangerous kind
And your smile is tattooed on my mind
And I can't get you out of my dreams


Don't wanna write,
I don't wanna call,
I would not know what to say
It should be you
That’s how I want it to be
Tell me you feel the same way

Chorus
And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now know that you're a dangerous kind
And your smile is tattooed on my mind
And I can't get you out of my dreams...oh!


Oh, Yesterday, I was feelin' safe, oh
All I do today is tryin’ to be BRAVE
and no melody can seem to suit my mind...
and now I curse you for being so sweet and so kind


Chorus
And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now I know that you're a dangerous kind
And your face is tattooed on my mind
And I can't get you out of my dreams..


Yes I know you're tattooed
On my mind you're tattooed...

Lecturer Letdown

I will never forget that Monday afternoon at the office....

It was two weeks since I was adviced, quite tactlessly, not to apply for reclassification from lecturer to instructor, for the lame reason that my masters (applied mathematics) won't lead to Ph.D., plus an ever more silly reason that they can have fewer applicants to scrutinize.

Although I didn't show my frustration to anyone, deep inside me, I felt I was robbed. It was as if they didn't give me the slightest chance to prove myself to them or air my future plans to them. Although I had the choice to defy them (some colleagues really advised me to write that letter of application, ask help from some people, and so on), I just let it pass and just kept quiet. Nawalan na ako ng gana, kumbaga. But deep within me, I was distraught....I felt that it was unfair...REALLY unfair. I actually even contemplated packing my things and leave...

Well, days have passed, summer class days have gone, and the stigma of that crucial afternoon of my career slowly faded. By this time I have accepted such "tragedy" in my professional career. I was even happy to know that my friend has been elevated to Instructer 1 from being a lecturer like me. I also decided to give it a shot next semester, or even next academic year. For the mean trime, I will continue to give my best a lecturer of the department....

I will never forget that afternoon...but I want to remember it with the conviction that they can never let a good man down. I will try to do my very best to prove myself as a good teacher and student to them, no matter what happens. In His grace, I can make it....

Contemplating the Template and Bugging the Blog

Since the last time I tried (desperately, that is) to improve the layout of my blog, I have been taking aches and pains to study and manipulate my old template, even trying to decipher the source file of Adrian's blog (sorry Adrian, hehehe, peace :P) just to give my blog a refreshing look (read: para maganda sa mata). Well, I gave up, even giving up blogging for quite a while....

Well, until I read Adrian's blog again.

While we were chatting last Wednesday (12 May) he mentioned the new layout of his blog site, making some changes while chatting. Then I thought of going back to "manipulating" my blog spot again last night. Maybe I can do it this time, I thought....

And...lo and behold! The site has a new look, new features, and...new templates! I chose this template, made a few editing in my previous posts and...voila! My new blog! Cool look, isn't it? Bagay ba sa personality, Adrian? Hehehehe :P

Wow, I'm really, impressed with the changes in this blog site. Now, I'm inclined to post and make some changes in my blog....

Asteeg... ^_^

...And the Reason is You...

Sometimes you will realize something that you must do, even if it will hurt you.... =(x_x)=. Thus, this song as my current anthem....

The Reason
Hoobastank


I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

...Blogged For the First Time

Me, blogging? No kidding.

I miss my journal writing...Until September 2001, I was writing my diary entries every night on spare notebooks, recounting all events that happened on a certain day, whether they are memorable, miserable, or anything in between, or just air my thoughts on those hapless sheets of paper.

I actually tried to revive it on January 1, 2003. It featured a total recall of all events I could remember that took place in 2002. Well, I ended up recalling only those that happened from January to July 2002!

Fate gave me a chance when I discovered this easyjournal thing, a journal-making website introduced to me by my good friend Clair in May 2003. I said to myself that I could actually revive my journal writing, this time online. Besides, I can have some time off to type in some things while I do my job in Phoenix Publishing back
then.

Or so I thought....

That year, my last journal entry was June 21, and I wrote a short one on January 10, 2004! Wow, such a long time. And I did so because I was so overjoyed because I found a new friend....um, never mind. Well, the last one was
March 9, when I was in the brink of depression because I fe...um, well, forget it.

Now comes the blogging....

I really never thought of doing this thing called "blogging"...whatever that means. Its just that I just got interested becuase I read the blogs of Macky and Adrian, my former Math 17 students. Why not give it a try, I thought....

Now, here I am, being transformed into a blogging being, posting my thoughts and angst once again, this time in a different medium, in a different venue.

Me, blogging? Why not? ^_^

Note: Since my blog is relatively new, its appearance may look so dull and ordinary...but for now. More improvements will come as soon as I grasped this whole thing, okay? Give me time....