Flashback: DDD (Dazed Demo Day)

This academic year is my third academic year as a lecturer of the Department of Mathematics in UP Diliman. Until now I still can't believe that I was actually accepted to teach in the department. I consider it as a miracle, really.

This morning I "rediscovered" my account on easyjournal.com and started to fix that journal again. Then I stumbled upon my entry on the day of my interview and teaching demo in the department. This is worth sharing so I might as well reprint it here. Here goes...

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Pinapatigil na namin kung ginaganahan na!--Sir Ric

It was one heck of an interview/demo teaching session.

Almost 8 years of waiting and yearning for me to apply for a teaching job at my department -- the Department of Mathematics of UP Diliman -- ended when I had a cahnce to face the screening panel for an interview and demonstration teaching. I couldn't believe it at first, but when the Chairman, Sir Ric, scheduled me for the DI (Demo/Interview) day yesterday, it really dawned in me that the day of reckoning was at hand.

Well, the day of reckoning made me end up dazed, dizzy and even distressed....

Who wouldn't? Being grilled by a committee of professors would make your stomach churn and your body shake. It was really a wonder how I managed to survive it.

After the demo, I was on a high, having told myself that I actually hurdled the interview and demo. Then it hit me: I found myself not satisfied with my performance, to the point of having doubts of having a possible teaching career at the department. Not even Ma'am Divine's assurance comforted me.

Oh, well, an interrupted teaching demo and the uncertainty of my employment as a teacher hovers in the horizon, but they should not worry me at this point.

I just have to wait and see. ^_^;

Sentiments

I was about to go upstairs for my math 17 class yesterday morning, when out of the blue I heard someone called me....

It was our new chairman, Sir Ernie.

Well, I didn't feel anything unusual in that sudden encounter. For one, we always see each other in the department, whether in the administration office, the corridors of the Math Building, or even in the fishball cart outside the building. But when he asked me to sit down and talk to him, I felt something was coming....

In his unusually serious tone, he asked me about something I was a bit familiar with: the sentiments of the lecturers of the department. For one, I am a lecturer of the department, so he felt it necessary to summon me that morning in haste.

Without any introductions, he told me straight that he was told about the sentiments expressed by my fellow lecturers especially in the hiring of many rookie teachers to fill in the many vacancies left by resigned teachers. He was not aware of such sentiments, he told me, since he has just assumed the post in May. The hirings was still under our former chairman, but Sir Ernie just finished the final papers. The lecturers were in an advantage than the newbies if they applied for reclassification, since they can boast of teaching exprerience that the newly-grads, well, don't have.

I expected this statement from Sir Ernie though: that he should have known that many of us lecturers had the intention to apply for reclassification. In short, we should've told the department our intentions before the interview of applicants, since the department has posted the announcements ahead of time (well honestly, I didn't see any of those posts...it can be my fault not to see them, though). When he said it, I remember what a fellow lecturer told me: in her former unit, the department first asks the lecturers if they want to be reclassified before they hire new teachers. Hmmm, it might be just a difference in policy....

About the reason why I didn't apply, I told him that I planned to do so but deferred it for next sem. The interview date was within the summer classes, and I had two classes then so I might not finish the requirements for application. He then learned about the predicament that me and my other fellow lecturer experienced during the second semester of 2004, and told me that he will look into that matter. (See the post "(Re)Classified Odd: Another Letdown?" for the details of that incident)

When asked if I knew of any specific rants or of my fellow lecturers, I just shrugged and said, "Sir, I am not in the position to speak in behalf of my fellow lecturers." It was a safe answer: I really didn't want to speak in behalf of my other colleagues, since they have specific sentiments on their own. I have mine, too, but they may not be the same as the others. I just answered "yes" when he asked me if he can talk to the others.

With no other matters to discuss, we ended our conversation and headed off for my class.

The thoughts of that conversation, though, didn't end there....

About the sentiments, well, there will always be sentiments...They should be addressed right away. And I think Sir Ernie wanted to do that, that's why he wanted to talk to us lectureres.

Well, let's just wait and see what happens next.

"Melancholically fleeting thoughts... on this tragedy night"

Just one of those melancholic anime themes I listened to n times (n a natural number greater than or equal to 10...)

Sekai ga Owaru Made Wa
(Until the World Comes to an End)
Artist: Wand
Second Ending Theme From Slam Dunk
Lyrics source: www.animelyrics.com


Romaji Lyrics

daitokai ni boku wa mou hitori de
nagesuterareta akikan no you da
tagai no subete wo shiritsukusu made ga
ai naraba isso towa ni nemurou ka...

sekai ga owaru made wa hanareru koto mo nai
sou negatte-ita ikusen no yoru to
modoranai toki dake ga naze kagayaite wa
yatsurekitta kokoro made mo kowasu...
hakanaki omoi... kono tragedy night

soshite hito wa kotae wo motomete
kakegae no nai nanika wo ushinau
yokubou darake no machi ja yozora no
hoshikuzu mo bokura wo tosenai

sekai ga owaru mae ni kikasete okure yo
mankai no hana ga niai no KATASUTOROFI-
daremo ga nozomi nagara eien wo shinjinai
...na no ni kitto ashita wo yume mite'ru
hakanaki hibi to kono tragedy night

[Instrumental]
sekai ga owaru made wa hanareru koto mo nai
sou negatte-ita ikusen no yoru to
modoranai toki dake ga naze kagayaite wa
yatsurekitta kokoro made mo kowasu...
hakanaki omoi... kono tragedy night
kono tragedy night

English Translation

I'm all alone in the big city,
thrown away like an empty can.
If love is love until we know everything about each other
Then let's sleep forever...

Until the world come to an end, we won't be apart.
I wished it for countless nights
Why does the past destroy even the worn-out heart that shines?
Melancholically fleeting thoughts... on this tragedy night

And so, people seek an answer
And lose something that's irreplaceable
A city filled with desires,
even the stardust in the night skies doesn't shine on us

Before the world comes to an end, please make me listen.
A catastrophe well suited to a flower in full bloom...
While everyone wishes, no one believes in eternity. ...
Even so, they certainly dream about tomorrow.
Short-lived days and... this tragedy night

[Instrumental]

Until the world come to an end, we won't be apart.
I wished it for countless nights
Why does the past destroy even the worn-out heart that shines?
Melancholically fleeting thoughts... on this tragedy night

This tragedy night